Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
please come you make the beer taste better
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
