I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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