no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
