He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Randomize
