She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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