The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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