He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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