i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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