Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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