I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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