nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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