I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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