can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
