@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
