good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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