I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
