yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
