I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
