I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He shit in the fireplace
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
