Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
