so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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