She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
