There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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