Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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