I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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