I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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