stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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