I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
They have beer where we have blood.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
