You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
