i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
