just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
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Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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