4 words: hood of his car
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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