If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Your cock deserves a montage
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
