i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
