just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my moral compass just broke
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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