i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
