Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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