I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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