I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
