I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
