Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
