I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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