babies were throwing up all over the place
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
