i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
