so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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