How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
