a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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