I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
