spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
