Apparently you make a good broom.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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