Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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