Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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