ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I currently don't understand fingers.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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