After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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