I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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