I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
