We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
