dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
