Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
