I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
