Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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