By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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