oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Sorry my hands just texted you
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
