shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
