I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
