You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
