My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize