Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
