My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
